Good News!

Long time since last post-I will not attempt to update because my brother says my posts are too long.

Yesterday was a pretty good peak! I went to my fertility doctor and he looked at my cyst and said it is not cancer and that I do not need surgery!

This is how I feel today! only more modest ;)

I am on track to do Invitro again on March 19th! Prayers are appreciated in behalf of a baby finally deciding to grow. Fingers crossed here we go again.

I guess I should post a Pit-the pit would be I am going to have to start shots here in about a week and that is not happy.

This is how i feel about getting shots....seriously....only add a few tears and a little more terror

I hate needles and if I ever get a baby birthed he/she will never hear the end of all I went through to get them here. But i'll take the shots if it means a baby!

Valentines Day

Just Saying...Wouldn't mind

Honesty time-I HATE Valentines day. I think my hatred dates back to Junior High School where I was mocked mercilessly for my uncoolness and as they termed it "beast"iness. I never had a boyfriend--even through high school and always felt bitter towards a holiday where all the cute, stick thin, popular girls got showered with gifts and my parents threw me a pity dinner with a small gift such as a flower or some candy because they knew how much I hated the holiday. Looking back I can now appreciate their efforts, but at the time it made me feel ultra lame. Now one might say, "Hey Shellese now that you are married Valentines day should be awesome!" Or "Hey, at least you are no longer ugly" But I guess I just can't shake the nightmares from the past and I still hate the holiday.

First Time I went to Vegas with Justin. We hadn't even kissed yet. So Handsome and strong!

The ONLY saving grace  to this lame holiday is my Handsome Husband! In law school we were so poor we decided not to purchase lame gifts for each other because a stupid holiday told us to, but instead cook a really nice meal together and enjoy each others company. This has become one of my favorite traditions. Let us review meals of the past--It all started with Justin surprising me by cooking Ravioli and we ate it on a blanket in our living room and he called it an "indoor picnic" so cute and so fun! Other years we have done rack of lamb, manicotti, one of my favorite years was recreating the spicy lentil soup from Carabbas. It took over 3 hours, but it was SOO good, and it was fun to cook with Justin for 3 whole hours (during law school he didn't give me much time-rather his books). This year we are going to be cooking Prime Rib ( a small one people), mashed potatoes, carrots, rolls, and I am making a special Chocolate Raspberry ganache cake. So excited!

Mr GQ. His Groomal session. He is seriously so HOT! I married a very attractive man.

Justin is quite the romantic for those of you who don't know him very well. He always has a new nickname for me-currently it is either Freckles (I don't have any) or Little Tiny Baby Cat (which is very weird since I am neither a cat or a baby, but I'll take little tiny :) )  My very first nickname while I was dating, engaged, and the first part of our marriage was Cutie. I thought I was going to be Cutie until I died so I engraved a message on his ring and signed it "Love Cutie".

Poems are very romantic and so to make this post semi pro-valentines (with his permission) I am going to post a poem Justin wrote about me. (He said I had to copy write it---psh lawyers) I may not love Valentines day, but I do love my husband and think that taking the time to celebrate each other and our love isn't that bad of an idea. Maybe one day I'll love the holiday, but for now I'll focus on the love Justin and I have for each other. This is my favorite poem he has written about me, and I feel so lucky to have married a man that loves me this much.

Cutie
You do something to me that I can't describe,
Whenever I'm with you make me live.
Cutie, my Love, you are everything to me,
Each time I'm with you I constantly want to give
My whole heart to you.

You do something to me that I can describe,
You help me to enjoy life more and more.
You calm my worries, and lift me up,
To you, my Love, I want to pour,
Out all of my heart and soul.

Every time that I'm with you I fall in love over again,
Your beauty and charm have stolen my heart!
Cutie, my Love, you mean so much to me; I love you, and I always will!
From you I never want to part,
From you my Love, my Joy.

You change and mold me into the better man,
That I want to be for you my love.
You make the earth stop with your smile,
And Every time I'm with you I give praise above
For the blessing that you are to me.


I love you so much Hun! Happy Valentines day from your Cutie, Freckles, or Tiny Baby Cat:)

Friday was good

AWESOME day today. So after many sad and okay days, I had an awesome day on Friday. let us read about my peak of Friday-my peak would not be one event, but rather focused around one person...Jenesee. Jenesee is a great friend I have here in Vegas and she is a lot of fun and super talented. If anyone needs a haircut or color she is your woman.

The day started with her coming over and cutting and dying my hair. I need to take a picture so you can all see how awesome it looks. I seriously feel like a new woman-amazing how a simple hair treatment can make you feel so wonderful.

This is what their salads look like, my mouth is watering right now

After the hair we had lunch at chipotle. I am hooked on their salads. They are super filling, delicious, and I am going to say healthy because I then feel better about scarfing said food. The corn salsa is to DIE for---okay maybe I wouldn't really die for it, but I might fight for it... ( I went and added it up and my salad was 670 calories...really?)

After lunch we went to D.I. and wandered around looking for hidden treasures-I found two cute decorations that I snagged up for a whopping total of 2.75. WHAT A STEAL! I just may go there more often. After living on pinterest my brain was going wild of what I could create from all the stuff at the D.I.

Our party continued to Bed Bath and Beyond where I purched something fun as a gift so I can't say what---but it is good.

The day ended with the fun times of my cousin Race Boy crashing on my couch for the night. I love visitors, especially relatives.

Friday was so good I don't know if I can think of a pit....I guess waiting to find out about my cyst is an everlooming pit. and maybe cooking dinner can sometimes be a pit? a stretch I know. Great to have such a fun day-very much needed and appreciated.

Oh the Joy and Oh the pain

Pit and Peak of the day people! so I really kind of enjoyed writing about my pit and peak of yesterday and thought it would be good to do every day. I think realizing the pits and peaks help you to better value and appreciate your peaks. After writing about my big fat pit of a cyst I felt so much better. I was able to look at it with a new light and not feel so horrible inside. I guess when people say write how your feeling it will help you isn't a bunch of bull.

Today's pit was Justin doing our taxes and discovering that we owe this year...wawawa. I mean really a break would be nice. I guess on the flip side at least he has a great job. I hate taxes, I hate the government taking out taxes and then saying huh well pay us more.

Peak of the day would be cleaning my room. Three words...I hate cleaning. I have to say though, I love the finished product. I would compare cleaning to exercising. Painfull while doing said activity, but once done the feeling of satisfaction is rarely matched. I sleep in clean sheets tonight!

On a side note, I wanted to put the weather as my peak again, but having a clean room really is awesome. The weather has been amazing lately. In the 70's. It has been like a dream in February. Love Vegas, Love warmth, Love my man! Everyone should come visit me.


p.s. post was written on 2/9, I just got around to finishing it.

The Pit and the Peak

So I kind of hate blogs...Everyone posts all the good in their lives on their blogs, no bad, so when I read their blogs I think their life is perfect (even though I know that is not true). Confession time. I kind of like the Kardashian show. I think the reason why is because they show everything about theirl lives. Even the bad-the fights. So the Kardashians have this thing called the Pit and the Peak of the day. So I think my blogs will start to have a pit and a peak. This post will mainly focus on my pit of yesterday. Now I want to preface this by saying I don't want any woe is you, I'm so sorry comments. this is purely theraputic. I have all these feelings and I thought why not write about them.
Okay peak of the day yesterday was definitely the weather! Yesterday was crazy warm and it is February people. I mean the temp felt like it was in the 80's. I was rolling around in a skirt and short sleeved top and flip flops. (BTW I looked pretty cute-just sayin) I mean really? At 6:00 at night it was 59 degrees. I think everyone should live in Vegas, especially if you are one of my family members. PLEASE!

Okay the Pit---Yesterday was probably the worst day of my life thus far. I am sure there will be worse to come, but yesterday was pretty bad. I went to my OBGYN yesterday for my yearly only to discover that I have yet another cyst and it is massive....7cm massive. He said it is bigger then my uterus (Too much info?) My OBGYN thinks it is either a tumor or cancer. He does not think it is cancer because I am so young, but man he does not realize my family genes. I spent last night crying with a million fears and questions running through my mind. I had to have one cyst removed last year on February 16th and that was the most painful thing that I have had to do to date. those of you who know me well will know that I do not do pain very well. When I was young I sprained my ankle and made my poor aunt push me around in an office chair because I was in "so much pain" and couldn't even put pressure on it. 

If you follow me on Pinterest you will notice all of the quotes I pin are about strength to keep moving forward and faith in God and His timing. And pinning the quotes is all fine and dandy, but seriously how do people who actually do have cancer keep going. Just doing Invitro is so draining emotionally and physically. At least it is a happy procedure. I just don't know how people keep going.

Put aside the mass on my ovary--i mean they can take it out biopsy it and I go forward, but now my plans to do Invitro (IVF) have temporarily been put on hold. I have been trying to have children for 2 years now and have been muchos unsuccessful. I have done three transfer cycles of IVF and two retrieval cycles. I was going for another transfer next month, but now who knows. I was feeling so good about this one, I really thought I was going to get a baby. I feel like I just can't catch a break or my breath for that matter. I feel like I used to be this super fun vibrant young women and now I am a paranoid,worried, sad, angry girl. Now I'm not this way all the time, but I am right now.

I love being in Young Womens. Lst week the lesson was on Joy. We spent part of the lesson talking about how to find joy when you are having trials and hard times. Everyone can just have the perfect answers-prayer, count your blessings (that one was my addition) service, etc. I have prayed, counted my blessings, and served my husband (does that count haha) and just can't seem to shake my tunnel vision off. I know there are others in worse situations and I really shouldn't be complaining--I mean really I don't know what it is or the plans yet, but it just feels like a big blow at the most inopertune time. But then again I can't see the bigger picture. This may be a huge blessing down the road.

Through this all I have major support. I have 2 families that love and support, a testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and most of all an amazing husband. I love him very much and am so glad we found each other almost 5 years ago. I can't imagine going through life without him. I think it is important to realize that I am not depressed or bitter towards God or the world. I feel like sometimes as members of the church we should be the best and just trust in God and get over our trials super fast, but I think it is okay to cry and mourn and be angry for a time. I mean Christ wept, mourned, and even got angry and threw out the money changers in the temple. I have noticed that when people are going through hard times we always say well it is okay, God loves you and everything will be okay-pray about it-and so forth. I am someone who has always said this until of late. Sometimes people just need to feel the other emotions and it helps to heal. Sometimes they just need people that will say yes, that is one bad day. We don't lose our faith in God because we cry or are angry at a situation. We are just human.

Sorry for the semi downer post-hopefully next one will be a much better Peak.

2012

Okay so I have been inspired by all those around me to update my blog. Maybe once a week I'll get on here and write some thoughts. If i take too much time I will not want to blog-so don't expect anything big HAHA.

My man in HANDSOME!

Life is good...the past year was pretty hard for me, but I have come to the realization that life really is good. I am sooo blessed. I have 2 wonderful families and the best husband. 2012 is already shaping up to be the best year (I feel it in my bones and my heart).

2012 started out by Justin taking me horseback riding for my birthday. SO CUTE! I was super scared because horses are so tall, and I'm tall, so whenever I'm on a horse I feel like a giant. Plust you alwasy see in movies horses bucking people off or hearing of people who get injured, but I sucked it up and had the best time! Our guide was the bomb. He even gave me a horseshoe at the end that he found on the trail. Thus contributing to my feeling of goodluck in 2012.My horse was the bigest and his name was Franklin. Justin rode a slightly smaller horse names Scout. They were both awesome and held up like champs. I decided that horses were not that scary, but rather amazing animals and we have already booked a second trip through Groupon for later in February. Justin's dream is to own horses some day. Who knows...personally I think they would be too much work, but they are pretty fun to ride. LOL Justin and I are the weirdest people we are like gangster cowboys living in the big city...just doesn't seem right. First step to turning Justin into a true cowboy is to get that man to like some country music. Right now i'm just enjoying my time with him.

getting my kiss on during the ride.

My sisters from the Gourley side. We are HTL!

Me and Matthew in Mexico

Already I have been to Indiana to visit my sister (in-law, but she is really my sister). Her year started out with her son in the hospital for pneumonia and her other baby sick so I flew out to give a hand for a week. It was so much fun. Both of her boys were doing much better by the time we left. If any of you go to Indiana make sure you go to the Children's museum it was the BEST! and if you go, haha, make sure you visit the Barbie exhibit and walk to runway and design a dress. I really am such a kid. I Love her little boys so much and I love her and her husband. I'm actually tearing up thinking about how amazing her family is. I am so lame:].

amazing sibling! cut out the boys at the end and you see how cute me and my sisters are from the Nelson side! We are Ridiculously Hot.

I then flew to Utah to spend some time with my family. This was the best trip home I have had in a while. Every night at least one of my brothers and sisters were over. We played games, stayed up till 2am making macaroons, went shopping, went indoor skydiving (AHHHH so scary), I got to spend lots of time with my nephews who are SOOOOOOO CUTE, spent good time with my grandparents, and I sewed a skirt the day I left. Every day was jam packed and some of the best times were spent doing the simple things...like making macaroons or playing rook before the debate, or the car ride up to Ogden. I most enjoyed getting to know my 2 sisters Brooke and Erika. They are each amazing and bring so much into our family. I am so glad I have them as sisters!

Who knows what the future holds for 2012, but so far I have another horseback riding date, 2 sibling graduations (Way to go Parker and Scott!) a possible trip to Disneyland, and hopefully something big!