Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dear Twins

Dear Twins,

The past week has been hard. I have been so nauseous. Foods have a whole new smell-raw meats especially chicken are DISGUSTING! I don't like doing dishes so we now eat on paper. Thank you Costco for your bulk paper products :)

I have been so lucky to have only thrown up once...until last week on Wednesday. I could not keep anything down, liquid or solids. I threw up 10 times in a 24 hour period. Had to cal the doctor and now I have to take zofran so I keep my food down. Almost had to go in for an IV. Is it the food i'm eating? Or is it you just aren't liking food right now?

I am so excited to meet you two. So excited to find out if you are boys or girls or both. Can't wait to feel you move! Can't wait to hear your heartbeats again to know you are okay. I cannot wait to hold your tiny fingers for the first time. I cannot wait to be your mother! I would glady puke again and again for you....well maybe not glady, but I would do it.

Love you,

Your mother (haha kind of weird to say)

Friday, April 27, 2012


So I know usually mom's are all about tracking the firsts---today was the first day my kid walked... Well I have experienced two firsts with pregnancy

1- I got to HEAR the Heartbeats Yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't even know it was going to happen. I had already seen them on a very early ultrasound-like before 7 weeks early-but just a day over 7 weeks and I got to hear them. 150 and 143 were the rates! Someone told me that higher heartbeats means a boy and lower means girls, but who knows. My OBGYN named them Fred and maybe there is something to that? We'll see. I almost cried hearing the heartbeats. Everything is starting to be so real and perfect. I like to sit on my couch holding the ultrasounds and just loving my babies.

2- Today was the first time I threw-up. YAY (sarcasticaly said). So I know on an earlier post I was like oh yeah I can't wait to puke...and I do have to admit for like one split second I was like yay I am really pregnant and these babies are really growing and then it was like eww gross this does not feel good. The attack came while driving...try doing that- not number one on my bucket list by far. I haven't moved since then I just feel like it is about to happen again at any moment today. Even funnier is when I call and tell my mom she gets all excited. Now I know we have worked hard to get here, but excitement over throw up may be borderine weird...right?

Life is funny-You spend it wishing for things you don't have and not enjoying what is right in front of you. Honesty moment-I may have already wished I was past trimester one or even that the babies were already born. But I will not wish I was not pregnant. No matter how scary a C-section sounds, how sick I feel, or how dirty my house gets. I think I need to start embracing each day more fully and just enjoying the ride of morning sickness because it may be with me for 9 months :)

My family just called and listen to all our good news:
1- I'm pregnant with Twins FINALLY!
2- My brother and his wife got approved for their loan and get their new house. SO EXCITED can't wait to visit them in Tooele Utah
3- My other brother got accepted in Cambridge study abroad for the summer with his wife so they get to trollop around Europe. He also got a job with Apple and will be working from......HAWAII for two years!!! can we say AMAZING. Justin has promised to take me so hopefully that happens.

Love my family and Love the Lord-we have each been so blessed recently. It is amazing how you can feel so down on life and then the Lord comes in and just showers you with blessings.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


I love getting two for the price of one. Nothing is better than getting something for free! well today I had my first ultrasound and we are getting two babies for the price of one!

 ONE OF THE BEST DAYS EVER!!!!!! actually it probably is the best day ever!

The ultrasound tech was just checking to make sure they were implanted in the right area of the uterus and that things were developing well.

She was taking a look and then she turned the screen towards me and said there are TWO attached looks like you are having twins!

See the two little black dots...those are my babies!
I am so happy right now. Justin says he is happy, but I think he is in shell shock. I know he will be a great dad and now he has 9 months to get used to the idea of twins, but it is still early and I could lose one. Once I hit 8 weeks they say my chances are only 1% of a miscarriage. I am not telling aunts and cousins until the 8 weeks about the twins. Right now I am telling them all there is one healthy sac in there.

On the 23rd I get to see their heartbeats! I am SO EXCITED!!!!

My due date for one baby is 12/12/12 LOL. I'm hoping they come a little early, not much-but a little distance from Christmas would be nice.

My aunt had twins and she said she felt like a milk cow from all the feeding-I'm a little nervous...okay a little more than kind of nervous--I'm slightly thinking what did I get myself into. I am so scared of getting birth and about starting out with two, but very excited. Beyond excited. I'm so giddy. I pray that they both live. I hope I get one boy and one girl, but I'll take whatever comes very happily.

I am still having my cramps and was told today that is very normal. I am still having huge hunger fits and now it kind of makes more sense. I am feeding for three! My sister-in-law said that I will be gaining 60lbs...I sure hope I can control myself. I try to eat far....I do have the occasional chips an ice cream. HAHA. You can't be pregnant and not have chips and ice cream right? Two nights ago I felt so dizzy and nauseous all night. I laid on the couch with a cold compress and some lemon lime soda. So excited for the first time I actually throw up!!!!!

Since coming home I have been looking at twin nurseries. Here are a few that I like:
I love how they did the boy and girl thing. I think it was executed well Don't love the stars

I kind of love the idea of putting them both in the same crib. They were in the
womb together, I think they would enjoy still sleeping together for a while

Now I know this is over the top, but I love the accents over the beds. I don't love the
metal cribs even though they are pretty. I prefer wood...seems safer. This seems
like a fairytale room for sure.


So I'm Pregnant!!

Okay so I am not going to post any of these for 8 weeks, but I wanted to get my thoughts down while they are fresh.

I did in vitro Monday, March 26th at 2:30pm. Out of all the transfers I have done it was the hardest. Apparently I didn't drink enough water and it was hard for them to see my uterus so they were pressing pretty hard with the ultrasound. I almost cried, but hey I would do anything for a baby so you suck it up and move forward.

The next week was TORTURE! I laid completely flat for a whole week. Seriously if you think this is easy try lying completely flat-only getting up for the bathroom-for the weekend. You will find it is hard, very hard!

Things I noticed different this time than the other three. First I started to get cramping around day 3-4 after the transfer. It felt like my period was going to start and it kind of worried me a little. Second Around day 5-7 I started to get serious hunger fits. I am not kidding-I would be fine and then BOOM if I don't get some food I am going to pass out or kill someone. Third-one day I got really sick feeling. I was dizzy and slightly nauseous.

On Friday the 30th I had my first blood test and then again on Saturday. These were my baseline HCG level tests. For those that do not know HCG is the hormone that is released when you are pregnant. To tell if your pregnancy is viable they test your blood. Every 2 days your HCG levels should be doubling. Side note-in order to be considered pregnancy your HCG level should be at least a 5.

On Monday the 2nd of April I had my third blood test. Here were my results:
Friday- 3--not pregnant yet, but at least there is some present
Saturday- 24-WOW the number more than doubled I am PREGNANT!
Monday- 91-WOW still more than doubling so EXCITED
Thursday- 540- ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I was hoping for 250 :)
Monday 9th- 2971- Feeling pretty good about these numbers!

I feel beyond blessed to have finally found success. I am so glad that through it all Justin and I have stayed true to our faith and put our trust in God and his plan for us. I know that God loves each and every one of his children. It has been a hard road to walk, but I didn't have to walk it alone ever.

I am not posting this because there is still a chance I can lose the baby, but I am so excited. At 8 weeks if I am still pregnant I will be telling the world! Cannot wait to be a mom. We have an ultrasound on Wednesday the 11th to see how many implanted. If I am really honest I want twins :)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

What's in a number?


What is so great about the number 82? It is just a number. It could be the number of times someone sneezes in a day during allergy season. It could be the money I earn in a day's work, it could be the number of times I have prayed each day this week for this round of in vitro to work. It could be the number of spokes in a wheel.

 For me the number 82 is the percentage my doctor gave me for this round of in vitro to work. 82 is a pretty high percentage. I mean if someone told you that you had a 82 percent chance of winning the lottery you would enter. If someone told you that you had a 82 percent chance of dying from eating a hamburger you would probably not eat the hamburger.

I am pretty excited and hopeful with the number 82, but if it doesn't work i'm going to feel very upset and frustrated I couldn't get it to work with such a high number.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is the big day and I have mixed feelings. Justin and my mom keep asking me how do you feel and I keep saying fine, great, nothing I haven't been through, which is true, but nonetheless I think I have two main feelings.

I am excited-excited about the hope and prospects of the future. Excited to get things moving again and excited to possibly hear good news this time. Excited that in 10 days I could hear the words "you are pregnant"!!! Excited that my embryo could turn into a little fetus. Excited that I could get morning sickness and get fat! Excited to just find out something rather than living in this limbo.

I am very anxious- the definition of anxious is experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. I think that pretty much sums up all the worry I have built up inside. I just have the constant feeling of worry and unease that things are not going to work again and then what?.....Where do I go? How many times do I do in vitro before I say enough and look into other means? This round has a very final feeling to it and I don't know why?

where do I go from here?
1:30PM I check in to the center and at 2:00 they do the transfer of the eggs and then I wait. Wait TEN long days to find out if it took. Not only am I waiting, but I am laying completely flat for a week. One long week. The first few days are very relaxing, but then I get restless and very anxious.

Tomorrow is the day-let's hope it is a good day:)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Development of my Eggs!

Got a call from the doctor today and my eggs are doing well!

I had 15 eggs frozen and they thawed all 15. So far all 15 are surviving YAY! There are nine that are looking really good so I am all set for Monday to do a transfer at 2:00pm.  I thought it would be fun to go over the embryo development because I find it fascinating!

 Day 0- Eggs are retrieved and sperm is introduced

Day 1- The egg is officially fertilized and it is now called a zygote!

Day 2- The zygote starts to divide and replicate. They embryos has now become a 4-cell embryo. This is the stage my eggs were frozen at in November and thawed at.

Day 3- It is now an 8 cell embryo

Day 4- They call this Morula. This is the stage right before blastocyst.  At this stage it is around 12-30 cells that have developed. It is at this stage that the sac around the embryo starts to disintegrate in preparation for blastocyst.

Day 5- Blastocyst stage!! This is the great day when they do the transfer. There are less than 100 cells at this point and it is almost ready to implant in the uterus lining. THe cells are breakign out of the sac. Within the blastocyst there are 2 types of cells. There is an inner cell mass that will soon begin to divide rapidly and develop into the fetus. The outer mass will eventually turn into the placenta.

 Fingers crossed, prayers prayed- here is hoping for a successful round 4 transfer!!!